I'm just going to stand on a little soap box for a moment and get some things out. It's been a crappy few days. Saturday I found out one of my students was in a car accident and passed away. He was definitely a person everyone enjoyed being around. In one of our classes he explained he was learning Chinese with his brother and I asked him to start each class off with a new phrase and he was more then willing too. Just something as an icebreaker before getting to work, but it was always things like that make a huge difference in class room moral. Often he went out of his way to ask questions to compare the subject matter we were learning to something he used or noticed in his life. That got the other students thinking and sharing their own experiences. The class would laugh and learn things together and for a moment it felt like we weren't working. Instructors aren't supposed to play favorites, but it was hard not too with him. As much as students are influenced by their instructors, we are also influenced by our students. He was someone I enjoyed bouncing ideas around with and I enjoyed watching him learn and often struggle with the same concepts I had when I was in his shoes. When I ever gave him any sort of advice he took it with overwhelming appreciation. A quality which is rare among many of my students. He was my student, but I also considered him a professional friend.

Its hard to imagine what the class room atmosphere will be like now. He brought so much enthusiasm to class, and was an gold example to the other students with providing useful critiques. His life was cut way too short, he was just beginning what he loved to do, his passion for his art and work. He had all the right qualities to be successful and then some. I looked forward to calling him my colleague.

I am struggling with his death. I accept things like this will happen in my personal life. Call it my inexperience as an instructor if you want, but I never even considered that my work life could be affected as well. When my mom passed away, I shut down my personal life and blocked off those feelings as a way of coping. I became a work-a-holic, logic and the endless drive to succeed was the only way I knew how to function. A lot of that has changed now, I'm able to cope more with what happened. But now it seems a barrier was broken and I'm vulnerable again. Death sucks, I accept it as its inevitable. I'm not afraid of it, if I died now I would be content. But I have a overwhelming difficulty with the concept of not being able to communicate with that person anymore. To not be able to enjoy life and share experiences with out that person. I view life as a journey to enjoy with those around me. When someone is taken away so abruptly like this, I'm left thinking and creating the would have been image of things to come and I am saddened that it cant come true. All the great things he was going to share with his son was taken away so unfairly.

It's the holiday season here in the USA, and will be celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow. My thoughts are with his family during this difficult time. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, one would be knowing my student and friend for the time he was here, and I will always remember him for the passion he always had for learning and discovering new things.

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2010 White Cat Calender - some day I hope

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